Today, I woke up beside the second most loving man in my life, my husband. (Dad is the first!) I smiled and thought how lucky I am that I am married to a man who gives me exactly what I need – Emotional Safety.
I didn’t just learn the importance of Emotional Safety overnight. I had to go through a couple of break-ups and failed relationships to realize what exactly was missing. It took me years to gather my thoughts, analyze and come up with a simple explanation for all the relationships which ended briefly.
A boy and girl relationship is not that complicated as long as there are two people willing to give. People stay together because they give each other something that nobody else can. For me, “Emotional Safety” is the key. It is important to know that you are in a healthy relationship where both partners trust each other enough to have freedom. It is knowing that your partner will not intentionally hurt you. It is ensuring each holds the other high regard.
Have you ever had a partner who would ask you a series of questions right after you had gone out with your friends? Have you dated someone who would ask you where you went, what time you left, and who you were with? Did you ever have that embarrassing experience when you had to mention all your friends’ name one by one over the phone as if you are doing a classroom attendance roll call, because your boyfriend asked “Who are you with?” and the follow up question “Which friends?”. Sounds familiar? Yes, you’ve seen it on CSI. You’re the criminal and he is the Investigator. Not fun! Similarly, there are also women who check their partner’s mobile phone, check his friends list on Facebook every other day and would also ask probing questions. And this only proves the lack of trust.
We all know that we can only trust if we feel safe. Once we start trusting someone, we allow the other to see our weakness. We tend to let our guards down and assume that that person will do us no harm. This is when we become vulnerable. And we can only hope that our partner will not take advantage of it.
Emotional Safety is achieved when both proves no threat to each other, giving one another the peace of mind and assurance that they deserve and knowing that each will not do anything to jeopardize the relationship. For some, it may take months or years to finally feel emotionally safe in an intimate relationship. While some couples may not even reach this mutually rewarding understanding. Sadly, those relationships fall apart. I know some of mine did!
Think about your past relationships. The one that ended briefly. The other that didn’t work out the way you expected. And another one that drove you mad. Now ask that familiar question”What have gone wrong?”. Those relationships fell apart because neither you or your partner had Emotional Safety.
For a successful lasting relationship, give your partner the assurance and peace of mind, that extra loving support that shows how much you care and treasure your bond. Trust and be trustworthy. Give each other Emotional Safety.