Motherhood has made me strong but vulnerable. Childbirth left me with a wound so raw I could feel all kinds of emotions so intense and almost painful to bear. Happiness brought tears and so did anger, disappointment and hurt. It was confusing. My heart could feel more than it ever did. I cried. I laughed and then cried some more.
There were times when I thought of seeing a therapist (but do I really need to?). I just cried when I was alone. Everything seemed better after a good cry. Even the taste of ice cold water. I talked to my little baby as if she understood every word I said. Her little fingers wrapped around my thumb consoled me and told me I am needed.
The joy of having a baby has surpassed all happiness that the world could offer. It is not easy but priceless. I felt happy but at times lonely. Helpless and unable to explain the emotional roller coaster I was going through. There was joy and yet there was pain and self-pity. I was new to it all. The sleepless nights and the scent of heaven in my arms. Everything was happening so fast I could stay awake and just watch every moment unfold.