Post-Partum

12/22/2014

Motherhood has made me strong but vulnerable. Childbirth left me with a wound so raw I could feel all kinds of emotions so intense and almost painful to bear. Happiness brought tears and so did anger, disappointment and hurt. It was confusing. My heart could feel more than it ever did. I cried. I laughed and then cried some more.

There were times when I thought of seeing a therapist (but do I really need to?). I just cried when I was alone. Everything seemed better after a good cry. Even the taste of ice cold water. I talked to my little baby as if she understood every word I said. Her little fingers wrapped around my thumb consoled me and told me I am needed.

The joy of having a baby has surpassed all happiness that the world could offer. It is not easy but priceless. I felt happy but at times lonely. Helpless and unable to explain the emotional roller coaster I was going through. There was joy and yet there was pain and self-pity. I was new to it all. The sleepless nights and the scent of heaven in my arms. Everything was happening so fast I could stay awake and just watch every moment unfold.

 

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5 thoughts on “Post-Partum

  1. THIS perfectly describes how I felt after my first baby in 2014. I briefly addressed it in my birth story but plan to write a full post this week.
    You wrote it all so perfectly. Please know you have support out there.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I wrote this in 2014 too. Just months after giving birth. I was going through my WordPress account today and found this. It is one of those things I have written that was kept as draft! Decided to put it out there today. Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well thank you for that…2014 was a dark year for me! Things have improved greatly but it’s always a struggle as I’m sure you know

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  2. Have you tried meditation? If you do not like to seek therapy, this is a better alternative. I am not a mom but managing even a small business is pretty stressful. The simple practice of silence keeps me balanced and happy.

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    1. Thanks dear. This was written in 2014. I am definitely in a much better state these days and you are right, a moment of silence by the end of the day after I put my toddler to sleep actually keeps me sane.

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